Alternative Title: I Went to Coachella and All I Have to Show For It Is This Year Supply of Watermelon-flavored 5 Gum I have some things to say. Here are some thoughts in no particular format. Let me preface this by saying that this was a great Coachella. If I had to rank them, 2008 was the best (because it was the first one we went to) and this was a close second. I had to work today and now I’m sick with a cold that I probably caught in the crowd, so I’m kind of in a pissy mood. This note is probably going to sound overwhelmingly negative (because that’s my style, mostly) but it was a really, really, really, good time. 1. Why are people still walking around with plastic throw-away water bottles? Nice refillable BPA-free plastic bottles are everywhere these days. They’re SO cheap compared to buying throw-away plastic bottles. And they hold more water! Fewer trips to the hydration station equals more time spent doing cool things. T R A S H. Okay, trash has been bad every year I’ve been to Coachella. This year it seemed so much worse! Is it because I read “The Story of Stuff” this year so I’m just noticing it more? No. I don’t think so. I remember years where it was difficult to find enough water bottles on the ground to do the 10-for-1 recycling thing. While we were waiting for Flogging Molly to start on Friday, one of the dudes near us started piling up the trash that was scattered around on the ground. I started to help out, and soon we had a TALL pile of the aforementioned plastic bottles and food containers. All of that stuff is recyclable! There are recycling bins everywhere! Get with the fucking program, people! I’m gonna slap a “Not Recycling is Trashy” bumper sticker on your face. Biggest Bummer: The most depressing thing this year was that people were surprised every time you did something nice for them! I found a hotel room key on the ground and I ask a group of guys if it belonged to them (it didn’t) , and they were genuinely surprised. “Wow! Someone at Coachella who cares about other people!” the guy said. That’s so sad! In my experience, people in festival atmospheres are generally nice, helpful and giving. I wish everyone at Coachella could spend 10% less time being stylish and 10% more time being better human beings to the other human beings around them. I’m Really Worried About Jenny Lewis: This weekend she had hollowed-out heroin cheeks like Nico. I think Jenny Lewis might be doing hard drugs, like, REGULARLY. ———————————————————————————————————— An Open Letter to the Biggest Douchebag at Coachella 2011: (Some background: During New Pornographers at the Outdoor Stage, some jerk brought his own cowbell and was banging the shit out of it. I have several problems with this.) 1. The New Pornographers do not need more cowbell, thankyouverymuch. They managed to become international superstars without your help, dude. 2. Be considerate. Your cowbell is loud!!! I came here to see a band I like a lot, but I couldn’t hear them properly because your cowbell was super distracting and destroying my ear drums. Go ahead and have fun and enjoy the music, but don’t infringe on my ability to have fun and enjoy the music. 3. It’s rude! Several people asked you nicely to stop. You did not stop. They drew lines across their necks and smiled, like, “Cut it out, haha”. You did not stop. You were given many dirty looks. You did not stop. Some girl got in your face and yelled “Just Don’t! JUST DON’T!” You did not stop. 4. I hate Will Ferrel. The “MOAR COWBELL” meme is tired. If you still think it’s funny, go ahead and post a .gif of Will Ferrel on your blog. Smuggling a cowbell into Coachella (all instruments are prohibited) is going way too far. You are an annoying person. ——————————————————————————————————————- Some positives: -Putting all the food in one area was a good idea. -Port-a-potties were really clean this year! Lemony fresh, even! -Saw an “AIDZ NEEDLE” t-shirt leaving the Sahara Tent, good job. -Thousands of bad tattoos, that’s always fun. -We got one of the Arcade Fire’s flashing-light beach balls. -Kenny, Kody and I were on the big screen for the first time (that we know of) during Titus Andronicus -We ran into Nick Ramirez! Hey! -Didn’t see anybody OD this year. Biggest Surprises: Mumford & Sons. I know that one song from the radio, but I didn’t expect their other stuff to be good. It’s really good! They’re really good! Worst Set: Animal Collective. Sorry, AnCo fans, but ZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzz. I liked Sung Tongs and Feels, but this newer more electronic album sucks. Even the kids on drugs seemed bored by the set. Best sets: Bright Eyes (so much energy!), Death From Above 1979, The Aquabats, Gogol Bordello. Arcade Fire get their own category. Really sad we missed: Mariachi El Bronx IN CONCLUSION: IT WAS REALLY FUN LET’S DO IT AGAIN YOU ARE ALL INVITED